Wanting Home
by Falling Like Rain
Summary: About a week after the Pevensies fell out of Narnia, Lucy finally loses her faith in being let back in. Peter and Susan talk about how much the shock of leaving home is going to change them and their younger siblings. It's sad, but it has a right to be.


Hi, and thanks for reading my story!

This is set a few days after the four Pevensies leave Narnia again. I'm not sure that this is how the children would act, but I thought up the idea up and wrote it down. As usual, I'm not

C.S. Lewis I don't own the characters of Narnia, I really just like writing about them.

I did make the song that Lucy sings, though. That was my creation.

* * *

><p>It was another late night, nearly eleven o'clock. The four Pevensies sat in a wardrobe, their backs propped against the walls. The silence was welcomed by each of them, for they were all thinking of their past lives, the time in which they reigned as kings and queens. But the feeling of emptiness dwelled deep in them all, building tears that wanted to push through their fragile masks of healing happiness.<p>

They had fallen out of Narnia almost two weeks ago, and there was not one day that they didn't meet there. Sometimes they didn't even talk. Most of the time they just silently remembered their kingdom, their people, who were probably searching for them on the other side of the wardrobe's wood.

Now was one of those times. Peter relaxed his head against the wall. His eyes stared into nothing, clouded with memory, grief, and confusion, oblivious to those around him. He still didn't know why Narnia wouldn't let him in.

Susan sat across from him, her knees pulled up to her chest. She was pale, but the only emotion on her face was anger. She stared at the wood of the wardrobe, her expression dark and shadowed. She still didn't know why Aslan wouldn't answer her calls.

Edmund had his back to the wardrobe door, and his dark hair hung in his eyes as if trying to hide the tears that were slipping down his cheeks, but to no avail. They fell, gathering at his chin then dropping onto his hand, which was gently stroking the other, as if he was comforting himself. He still didn't know why he hadn't had the link to Earth destroyed.

Lucy had her cheek pressed against the wood that had closed over Narnia's entrance. She had her eyes shut and was quietly singing an old Narnian song, softly enough not to disturb the others. Her voice was heavy with pain and longing to understand its words.

_Do not question why it is done,_

_The lion wills it to happen_

_Do not cry when you are lost,_

_The lion has not forgotten_

_Do not fear the dark,_

_The lion's golden mane is beside you_

_Do not run from shadows,_

_The lion's roar destroys the dwelling_

_Where darkness once grew…_

She still didn't know why Aslan hadn't called her back to her kingdom and home.

Then it came to be too much for her. A sob broke from deep in her heart, and woke all children from their lives as kings and queens. She pulled her hands to her face and began to cry, letting emotions spill from their cage and effect the others around her. Susan, too, broke and gave a sharp sob of grief, but only shook and mumbled a few words over and over as she pushed her head under her arms.

Edmund jumped as if he had been asleep and woken by a scream. He saw it was Lucy who was crying and turned away as his own tears began to fall a bit quicker. Peter leaned over and put a hand on Lucy's shoulder. "Lu? It's okay. Shh…it's okay…" He continued soothing whispers until Lucy jerked her head up and shot her oldest brother an unwelcome glare.

"No, Peter, it's_ not '_okay'!" It took less than a second for her eyes to turn back to pleading and her voice to carry misery like waves on water. "Why won't he let us in?" She turned to the back of the wardrobe and rested her hand gently on it. Her words were barely a whisper. "I want to go back. I want to go home."

There was a feeling of misery hitting everyone, even deeper than before, when she said that. They all wanted that. They all wanted home. But there was a chance that they wouldn't get it. Lucy's gentle, relaxed hand soon turned to a fist and it slammed against the inside of the wardrobe.

"I want to go home, you _stupid lion! _Can't you _hear _me? _want to go home!" _She repeatedly threw her fists against the dark wood, her voice rising to a shriek. Susan began to cry louder, and Edmund moaned with misery, then he stood, running from the wardrobe and the spare-room.

Peter stood as well, but wrapped his arms around Lucy and half-dragged her out of the wardrobe door, then he held her in a tight embrace she couldn't get herself out of, no matter how hard she struggled. After a few kicks and screams, Lucy stopped fighting and half-relaxed, closing her arms around her older brother's waist and burying her head into his arm.

Peter knelt to the ground, still holding Lucy, and rocked her back and forth. She was so tiny now, so small and helpless when she thought she was alone. "I _want_ him to come! I want him to take us back…" Her voice was muffled by his sleeve, now wet with tears. "Why can't I go home?"

"Shhh…I know, Lucy…I know…" Peter didn't know what to say to calm her, since he wouldn't try to tell her it was okay again. "I know…"

-(-)-

About half an hour later, Lucy was asleep, in Peter's arms and taking short, jagged breaths, and letting out long and smooth ones in turn. Susan crawled out of the wardrobe, stood, and closed its door, her hand resting on Aslan's head in the top right corner. "Don't hit it," Peter whispered, still looking at Lucy's tear-stained face with pity and sadness.

Susan looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, wiping a tear away. "Oh, no. I would never. I'm the Gentle one, remember? Besides," she sighed, and looked back at Aslan's face, then bowed her head. "I already cried myself out." She turned and knelt by Lucy, and pulled the young girl's bangs from her eyes. "How is she?" she asked as she gently pulled the girl from Peter's cradling hold and into her own. Peter sighed and shifted to a more comfortable position. "Asleep. Other than that, I don't know. I have no idea how much this is going to change her. I'm surprised she broke down so quickly. I would have expected her to hold faith at least a little longer."

Susan looked up at him worriedly. "Do you?" Her voice rose a bit. "Do you think we're ever going to go back?"

Again, Peter sighed. He caught Susan's eyes, his own worried. "I don't know. Aslan hasn't…spoken to us in any way, at least that I know of. He hasn't given any sign of existence here. I hope we can go back, though. Poor Edmund, he- he looks so pale all the time. I don't think he's getting much sleep." He ran a hand through his hair and looked at Susan. "Are you okay, Su? How are you taking all of this? You cried pretty hard in there."

"Really, Peter. I thought you _knew_ I was tougher than that!" She smiled, but it quickly died when she saw how serious he was. "I think so," she whispered. "Definitely better than Lucy and Edmund." She stroked Lucy's cheek and frowned when she thought of how Edmund had to actually _run out of the room._ He had only done that once before, when he had found that his best friend outside the family had died in battle five years ago.

Five years ago…She nearly got caught up In her thoughts again. She shook her head and sent the memories flying away. "What about you?" "How are you taking…All of this?"

She would have waved her hand in a queenly gesture if she wasn't holding Lucy. She remembered that Peter had shown barely any emotion at all compared to his siblings since they came…she couldn't call it home. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

"Again, I don't know. I think I can get over it…After a while. But I can't really think of me at the moment, you know? We need to watch over them." He nodded to Lucy and the door, which Edmund had left open in his rush to escape. Then his eyes fell back on Lucy and he whispered, "Our baby sister…"

"A child once more." Susan stood and watched Peter do the same and then pull Lucy into his arms. He turned to leave, probably to drop Lucy off in her room, then find Edmund-Or try to, at least._ That little monkey could think up the best hiding places when he wanted to be alone, _she thought. _Then let him be alone… _"Peter?"

He turned and flashed her a quick smile. "Yes?"

"If you don't find Edmund on the first round of looking, I think you should give up. He may need to cry himself out, like Lucy and I did. Remember when Thomas died? It-I think this is kind of the same." Edmund had sat in silence for days after his friend had left on an un-wanted journey for Aslan's country. But after about a week he was able to talk pleasantly and meet the other boy's family and give them the body with little more than a few tears.

Peter's face showed a hint of sadness when he remembered that time. "Yes," I nodded and turned again. "Yes, I think you're right. Thanks, Su."

Susan could hear the small smile in his voice, and thought it was almost as good as seeing it on his face. She nodded, even thought he couldn't see her, and turned to the wardrobe, just to try one more time before going to sleep…

The End

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading! When the two oldest kids were talking about Edmund's dead friend, you may have been a little lost. I am planning on writing a story for that, about Thomas later.<p> 


End file.
